LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Monday 10 November 2014

The Expectations of Being 'A Twenty-Something'


Expectations.  To a certain extent it's good to have them but more often than not, they can be the cause for all matter of disappointments.  When you're younger, you begin to conjure up this image of your life and how it will be when you're 'all grown up'.  You dream of the day when you finally have your shit together (pardon my mild french...) - a nice little place to live,  that 'grown up' career you always dreamed of, a potential somebody to settle down with and, if you're lucky, your own pet cat as the cherry on the top of the cake (or any other pet for that matter - but for the record I've always been a cat lover...) Before you know it, you really are a twenty-something and you realise that you totally haven't got your shit together. At all. Not even close.  At 24, I can't say I'm exactly running out of time can I? But I'd be telling porkies if I told you that I haven't got some sort of idea in my mind of the 'ideals' - the ideal age I'd like to settle down, the ideal age I'd like to have my career sorted - you get the jist - I can't help but notice that a handful of these 'ideals' I've set for myself have either already passed, or are edging closer. I haven't got my career sorted (I've only just left university). I haven't got my own place. I'm still fishing in the singles pond and, you guessed it, I haven't got that pet cat either.

It's only now that I'm beginning to realise that having expectations like these can be the cause of so much uncertainty and unhappiness.  Of course, you've got to have dreams and goals and ambitions but I think, sometimes, we get carried away thinking about what it is we're supposed to be doing rather than just letting things happen naturally - we resist going with the flow, put a time-limit on everything and feel pressurised into being 'perfect'. As I'm currently job-hunting, I've toyed with the possibility of moving away from my home town. Although that excites me, I must admit it's something that doesn't exactly match up with those expectations I once had. Whether I end up doing it or not is another question - it depends on what job I decide to take - but I always thought that if I was going to move away, I'd be doing it with somebody and that I'd have someone to share the excitement with.  I had this image in my head of moving somewhere with a long-term boyfriend, just like so many of my friends have done - but it just hasn't panned out that way for me and sometimes I can't help but feel a bit disheartened about the fact that it won't be how I'd always imagined it to be.  I definitely think that this is where social media can filter into things. My news feed is full of people buying their first house, getting engaged, having babies, gaining promotions and generally just sharing their successes and happiness.  I'm not saying I haven't had my own and of course I'm always chuffed to bits for my friends, but it can be overwhelming when you realise you've almost hit your mid-twenties and aren't even remotely close to having any of these things. Whether you mean to or not, it's very easy to fall in to the trap of comparing your 20-something life to the array of other 20-somethings out there and life can sometimes feel like a competition of who's doing it best and who got there first.



Which begs the question, what is the rush?  Why do I actually feel rushed in to having all of these things at the age of 24 and why on earth do I feel like I'm running out of time?! When you step back and take a look at things, you realise that there really isn't a set of rules and your twenties (as corny as it sounds) are all about finding yourself, discovering what you want from life, taking steps towards your future and making a few mistakes along the way (and I've made my fair share...) There's no right or wrong way to do things. I have friends my age who still go out and knock back cheap shots every single weekend - good for them - I also have friends my age who are buying houses, planning weddings and having children - that's jolly good too. I'm just floating around somewhere in the middle of all of that - but it just goes to show how having these expectations when we're in our twenties is completely and utterly pointless - there's no unwritten rule that we absolutely have to have everything sorted before we hit 25 - there's no tick-list - so why do I, and so many other people I know, feel so much pressure to have everything in place when in reality, we should just be enjoying things for what they are? 

There's no doubt that being in your twenties can be a little daunting at times. I'm currently job-hunting after finishing my degree (I chose to go to university ever so slightly later than the usual) and can't help but feel I'm a few years behind some of my friends who are all settled in jobs/relationships and are well away climbing up the career ladder - but you know what? That's ok. I have no doubt that it was the right way to go about things for me, and I like to think I've spent time exploring my options, deciding what's best and piecing things together slowly instead of jumping head-first in to something that isn't going to make me happy in the long-term. I've been reminding myself that this little awkward stage in my life isn't going to last forever and that sometimes, it does you good to have some time to re-evaluate and fathom out the next steps you need to take in order to get where you want to be.

Despite all the pressure, you have to remind yourself that it's okay to feel lost now and again.  It's normal to question whether or not you're going in the right direction and it's ok to have absolutely no idea what it is you want to do next. That's the beauty of being in your twenties - there's no better time to make mistakes or change your mind, to feel completely at a loss or feel as if you're back at 'square one'...  Instead of allowing these silly expectations of what you should have achieved/should be doing at a certain age get under your skin, I think it's important to focus on what's right for you. Maybe you've just finished your degree, maybe you've just quit your job and decided on a whim you want to go down a completely new path, maybe you've just come out of a long-term relationship and feel completely daunted at the prospect of learning to be completely by yourself again - just because you're a little bit 'up in the air' doesn't mean that you haven't already accomplished something or made a positive step in the right direction. I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it's important to just step back, realise things for what they are and relax a little. Just because things aren't going the way you planned or hoped doesn't mean that things aren't falling in to place, and just because some people appear to be a little further ahead in this supposed twenty-something-race compared to you, doesn't mean they actually are. If you've been feeling this way lately, i think it's a good thing to remember that you're not alone.  Rest assured that there's other 20-somethings out there who feel exactly the same way as you. Remind yourself that there's no rush, no 'race' and no time-limit when it comes to achieving your goals and ambitions and focus on staying happy and true to yourself - and above all have faith that eventually, things will turn out exactly the way you'd hoped.

'Don't compare your chapter on to somebody else's chapter 20...'


47 comments:

  1. Lovely post! Im 22 nearly 23 and sometimes feel i worry about things i dont need to as im still young x
    Emma | Emmys Blog

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice post. I worried so much about where I was I had a breakdown! Just got to learn to let things workout as they are meant to. x

    Link text

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is such a refreshing post! I'm not in my 20s just yet but this has already been useful to read and applies to some things going on in my life. I think having this approach is much better, you never know how things are going to pan out, but sometimes that's the fun of it! I hope you dreams come true...and you eventually get your pet cat haha x

    ReplyDelete
  4. loved this post! its nice to know your not alone and its ok to feel like this sometimes


    This Girl Loves Chic 

    Facebook : ThisGirlLovesChic 

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love the quote, I'm definitely guilty of comparing myself to those who have got themselves sorted, I need to remember I'm 18 and not 25! Haha x
    ELEANORMAES

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for writing this post. It's exactly what I needed to hear and it pretty much describes how I am feeling at the moment in life. I'm a 20 year old beauty therapy graduate not sure which path to choose. I know working in a spa or salon isn't for me, but I love everything beauty so that's why I started my blog. I just want to keep it as a hobby, and go down a completely new path but I'm not sure what that is either. It's good to know I'm not alone and others a bit older are still really working things out! And when I think about it, I'm happy that I am slowly deciding compared to just jumping into something out of fear that I 'should' do something!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is such a great post, it's so reassuring to know that there are others out there in their 20's feeling the same as me and your completely right there is no rush at all, we are still so young! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was a great post and just what I needed to read :) Well done love xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. This a great post and so well written! Think everyone goes through this at some stage!

    Laura | www.laurakathren.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love this post, I'm 24 too and I feel I still have so, so much to do... And yes, I remember thinking things would be more settled at this stage when I was younger! Sometimes it's hard, sometimes not so much luckily, but I still think it's important to remember what you said at the end about comparing ourselves to others! ;) xx

    Gyudy's Notes Of Beauty

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such a good post, and I do think there is so much pressure in your 20's to get it 'right'. So you can see why people prefer their 30/40's!

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm someone who really gets their heart set on expectations and gets major disappointment when things don't go according to plan. Being twenty and going through uni has shown me that sometimes you do have to take a different path than intended, but as long as you end up where you want that's okay!

    nueyork.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just recently turned 18 and am I senior in high school. When did this happen?? Not ready for "adulthood". eeeek

    Watching for Pigs on the Wing

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really needed to hear this. Wonderful post. Thank you so much!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm 26 and currently going through this "what am I doing with my life?" moment...the pressure that is around being in your mid 20s is tough I feel in today's society. All of my friends have boyfriends and here's me saving up to go travelling next year in order to find out what I really want to do with my life!
    It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there who feels the pressure though.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ah this is absolutely perfect lovely and very comforting. I am only 21 actually but sometimes I do end up feeling pressured or comparing myself xxx

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love this post so much! I'm 22, still living at home and trying to save up for a place with my boyfriend while only working part time. He works full time so I'm stuck at home a lot (hence why I blog) and it is such a crappy feeling to think other people have been settled for ages and I'm not but seeing that it's not just me is so nice!

    www.literatureandlipstick.co.uk
    x

    ReplyDelete
  18. Such a great read! I'm definitely like you and stuck in the rut of "the middle" half my friends are still kids and the other lot are having kids! At 22 it can be hard to know where you fit in with all of that, but this had such excellent points that i no longer feel the weight on my shoulders like i did before clicking on this post. Thank you :)

    sequinsandsavings.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  19. Love this post, glad i'm not the only one who thinks like this too :) Great points!

    Sophie x

    ReplyDelete
  20. Amazing post! I felt like I was having a mid life crisis at the age of 23, but I've realised that I just need to chill out and let things happen naturally!

    thisandthatplease.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  21. Loved this, I definitely felt like this in my early and mid twenties but now that I'm nearly 28 I don't care as much. Life is to be lived and you can't plan everything. When I was younger I would have thought that I would be in a permanent career, possibly married with kids and a house by now. Have I achieved any of those things? No but sometimes life throws a spanner in the works. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness which although terrible at the time and which put an end to my teaching career before it even started, it has made me re-evaluate my life and have more of a work/life balance, which is important for everyone. Also if I hadn't been ill I would never have met my lovely boyfriend so even though my life isn't as I imagined it as this age, it's exciting because you don't know what the future holds!

    Mary // beautyonthecheap.net

    ReplyDelete
  22. wow. i loved this post. i can completely relate to the entire thing. i am 25 and had everything planned. honestly, none of it has gone to plan at all, but i love my life where it is at. when things started to not happened i realized there was nothing i could do to change it and that things would fall in to place in time. stay true to yourself lady. be you & do you.

    ReplyDelete
  23. So true! I always put pressures on myself because I feel like I haven't done anything that would bring me closer to my goal. Those pressures give me anxiety, stress, and dilema. I know that it's a bad habit, but sometimes I just cant help it, you know? I gotta realize that things will fall into place eventually if I keep trying and stop giving up. The negative thoughts should be thrown off my head so I can focus on the things that really matter..

    xo
    www.colorsinmybubble.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. This blog post has really helped me realise a few things, I have been feeling the exact same lately and it's beginning to stress me out and make my anxiety worse, and become somebody I'm not. Reading this has made realise so much more and definitely helped me when I needed it. Glad to read there are other people that feel the same on the twenty-something race! Thank you for cheering me up with this post when I needed it.

    xxx

    www.amibishop.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh Beth, I LOVE this post- people do expect so much from you in your twenties and it's hard to decide if you want to grow up or stay young! Everything you say is so true though- there is so much time you should never compare yourself! Xxx

    megsboutique.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  26. Really needed to read this! Great post dear

    Xo

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh my goodness, this is exactly what I needed to hear... er read, haha! For some lame and utterly annoying reason, this past week has been filled with all of these feelings of comparison and doubt. So much of what you mentioned is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you, thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm 34, married, and have a baby and sometimes I still feel like we're floating around with a "solid" plan sometimes. Life will take you where it may-it's up to you to find the happiness in your situation. I'm glad you figured that out early! You could drive yourself nuts trying to keep up with your friends. I hope other 20 somethings will read this and understand its OK to move at your own personal velocity. Good luck to you!
    www.itsawonderblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Beautiful post. I'm 23 in January and am feeling like all the goals I had for myself by certain ages have just gone out the window and now I'm just drifting around with no goals at all. It's hard.
    Anyway, shout out to all the other twenty-somethings trying to figure it all out.

    erin // beingerin.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. Great post! I'm 21 and actually when I turned 20 I decided to have goals but also to don't allow myself for a specific when, it's reallt better!

    http://justsem.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am 29 and feel this way. Yes I have a job, I run a business and have some savings but at times it feels that I havent done anything "Solid" like having a car or house or a family.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Really lovely and honest post. I think that all of us in our 20s has experienced this exact disappointment where we look at our lives and compare them to either current expectations we have for ourselves or goals we made years before. The most important thing though, is to take this disappointment and realize exactly what you have said here. There are no hard-fast rules, there is no specific timeline. We are all different and our journeys are all different. Oftentimes we spend so much time focusing on what we don't have that we fail to see all of the accomplishments we already have.

    rae of love from berlin

    ReplyDelete
  33. I stumbled upon your blog thanks to Bloglovin', this is the first post I read but you've just put my feelings into words! I'm only 20 but I already feel life is some race where you have to compete against everybody or else you're going to fall behind. It really is daunting and sometimes even scary because every time you watch on TV that another teenager or twentyish person have achieved something extraordinary despite their age, you can't help but ask yourself what you are doing with your life.
    Btw, I like your blog, keep up the good work and try and stay calm, I'll try for sure!
    xx

    Marta

    ReplyDelete
  34. That's exactly how I'm feeling lately, so your post made me feel a bit better. In two months I'll be 25 and it scares me a lot, mostly because I feel so far behind everyone else and not where I hoped to be at that time. So from now on instead of comparing myself to others I try to focus on what's right for me and when it's right. Great post, thanks for sharing it.

    ReplyDelete
  35. "can't help but feel I'm a few years behind some of my friends who are all settled in jobs/relationships and are well away climbing up the career ladder - but you know what? That's ok"

    This is something I struggle with. I'm also a bit later with finishing school and sometimes I compare myself with others too much. It makes me feel like I'm running behind, but you are right, I should let go of that. There is nothing I can change about it anyway, so I shouldn't make myself feel bad about it. Your post opened my eyes, thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm 25 just quit my job and I feel the same, don't know what is coming next.
    Many times lately I feel lost and start worrying about the future but I think sometimes we should let things find their way.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm old at 43 :) but I loved this insightful read that I sent on to my 22 year old neice. You are wise for your years my dear!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Thank you for getting me. This is describing my life perfectly right now. In my group of friends, I am the only one up in the air and no one seems to understand that it is okay that I do not have a mortgage and baby on the way like the rest of them. It can be so frustrating at times. Thanks for getting it and sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I actually read a similar article about this earlier this year (I think it was in the Wall Street Journal, or something like that). One of the things the article brought out is how social media presents a skewed version of people's lives. People usually only share the good, or big, events in their lives, so it makes it seem like they are doing better than their friends, although this isn't necessarily the case. I rarely every go on any social media site other than blogger (NERD!!!), but it's still hard sometimes to not compare my life to my peers who are doing things that seem "better" or "more important" than what I'm doing.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading this post - everything that you've touched upon is super reassuring to hear! Love, love, love your blog! Alice x

    ReplyDelete
  41. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  42. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is an inspiring and a quite reassuring post but what if you're actually in your late twenties? Let me tell you, it's much, much daunting. :/

    ReplyDelete
  44. I can completely relate to this post. It's just so true and the way I've felt for a very long time until more recently. The bit where you mentioned about comparing your life to others, I did that all the time. I couldn't help but compare my life to my friends because it seemed that being 24 my life has gone no where, that it's just been a waste. I've found life so difficult especially with doing a job for 2 and a half years that I hated. Now though, things are changing for the better. I'm 24 and I've just started university for the second time, and this time I'm a lot more determined to succeed. My friends have all finished uni and are working, although they may not be close to achieving the career they want just yet, they are on their way. Now my life has gone into reverse compared to my friends, I've quit my full-time job and I'm at uni. Isn't it funny how things work out? As for settling down, I don't think I'm anywhere close to it!

    Good luck with your job hunting. I hope you get a job that truly makes you happy because that's the most important thing :)

    Yasmin xx
    www.yazzyscorner.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  45. Imagine how you feel when you are even older than 24 then! It's even harder when you are in your late 20's and you feel like you have nothing to show for it. I feel very pressured to get my life together especially when compared to all the other members of my family who were all very settled at the age I am now. My cousins were all married, with mortgages and babies when they were my age.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Absolutely wonderful post Beth - it's so strange I have been feeling the exact same since I moved home after graduating, doing 5 internships and just starting my first 'real' job. It's so hard to not compare yourself with school friends or even Youtubers that are the same age (tanya Burr, Zoella, BeautyCrush...) who seem to have everything figured out. I couldn't believe it when I stumbled across this post of yours because I genuinely felt like I was the only person that felt this way! I've also had the same thought about moving away from my hometown too but like you said, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this alone. I had a stupid idea in my head from the age of about 15, that I would be married by 25 and in my own flat/house with a puppy, some chickens and happy.... It's incredible the pressure we are under to 'compete' as it were :(

    Thanks so much for sharing this <3

    Sophie

    ReplyDelete

I always read all of my lovely comments. Make sure you check back as i often reply but if you do have a specific question and want a quicker response then please do email me over at birds.words@yahoo.co.uk or tweet me (@Beth_BirdsWords). Thank you for all your support! x