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Sunday 7 December 2014

15 Things Every Girl Who's Tried Online Dating Will Understand...

image source / edited
As a single girl, I have no shame in admitting I've given in to the curiosity surrounding online dating on a couple of occasions. Admittedly, it's usually after a couple of beverages and a chat with a select few of my more pushy friends who've told me how much of a fabulous idea it would be and how I need to expand my horizons. Thanks girls! There's no doubt it's a great idea in theory - technology means it's easier to connect with people these days and what a great way of summing someone up before you actually have to meet them in person, right? I have to say I'm not entirely convinced. I'm sure if you've been there, done that and dipped your toe into the world of online dating you'll find a few of the following points ring true. Or then again you might not.  I'm well aware that there are success stories and I'm not for a second saying it's impossible - but you can't help but have a little giggle about it at times can you? It goes without saying, please take this post with a pinch of salt - I'm not by any means a party pooper or saying it's all negative - it's often a bit of fun after all - but there's just a few things I've noticed about the world of online dating... and I'm pretty sure a few of your reading will have noticed it too...

1. Anybody with your ex's name will be a no-go.
Isn't it funny how you associate the names of people you used to know with the people that you meet in future? Even if it's a fleeting thought, you can't help but question whether or not you really could date somebody with the same name ever again... 

2. You'll receive messages you can't decipher for sh*t.
Yes. It's true. Sadly, some people over the age of 25 still speak as if they're knocking words out on a 3310.   

3. The inevitable tiger picture.
Oh this really is a thing.  If ever there was online dating bingo, spotting somebody with a photograph of themselves cuddled up to tiger is a complete doddle to tick off and you'll have a full house in no time.  If they've been travelling, this is the photograph of the moment to use. Extra points if they're feeding it with a bottle...

4. Even if you aren't shallow, you'll question whether or not you are...
In a situation where you cannot help but go by face value, you realise you're no better than Shallow Hal (before he gets hypnotised...) Everything is so face value and it's no match for meeting people in a real situation.  Everybody looks better in a selfie too... just sayin'

5. Sleeeeeeze.
Buckets of it. Sleeze everywhere. You can't avoid it.

6. Because no good love story starts with 'we met on Tinder'...
I'm by no means saying love can't blossom in places like this (and I'm well aware there's probably somebody reading this about to correct me in the comments) - but on the whole, in general, I have never heard of anything that fantastic coming from this app.  Not from the girl's perspective anyway... Funny that... 

7. You have repetitive strain injury from constantly swiping left..
You end up swiping right on any randomer just for a bit of a change.

8. The 'ice breaker' jokes that aren't even funny.
Jokes are lost on me anyway but over a message screen? Your chances are limited my friend.  They all suggest a similar thing - and whilst I'm all for an innuendo or too - the majority aren't even that funny really. Jog on - you little comedian you!

9. You can't help but admit it's entertaining.
If anything, it passes a bit of time, doesn't it? It's mind-numbing yet oddly interesting at the same time. I've sat there whilst my friends have been sifting through giving my two pennies worth. I'm sure all girls do this, right?! It's a right hoot! Rest assured if you decide to speak to someone, at least one friend has given it the go ahead first... 

10. Your catfish radar is second to none...
If, like me, your ultimate guilty pleasure is watching Catfish repeats on MTV - then I'm sure your catfish radar is well and truly switched on. Nev and Max ain't got nothing on you!

11. ...As is your 'player' radar.
If you haven't got one of these you're stuffed... Unless that's what you're after! If so - take your pick. Spoilt. For. Choice.

12.  The inevitable guilt-trip message...
At some stage you will get a 'i guess i'm not good enough' message (and there's always an lol in there somewhere just to lighten the mood slightly...) - this happens if you haven't replied or haven't reciprocated any interest. Well SMITE ME DOWN dating gods for I'm clearly such a meanie!

13. People using animals or inanimate objects as their profile image.
Because first impressions count for everything! OO yes I really would like to date this ring-tailed lemur! (No joke - wish I'd taken a screenshot...) The boy-racer type is also common. You know the ones. They clearly haven't changed since their teenage years and their boxy little pride and joy is set as the first image you see. What even are you? A transformer?

14. You become slightly paranoid you'll be spotted in the street...
'Hey you're that girl I spoke to on Tinder last week right?!'

14. You'll also see many people you know...
'Ohhh I didn't know such-and-such was single?!' That's because they're not. Sadly, certain apps have made it rather easy for the cheating slime-balls of the world to have their cake and eat it. 

15.  You lose all faith in the male species and place an order for 50 cats immediately...
Either you lose all faith in said species or you simply lose all hope of ever fancying anybody ever again. Unless you really do want to date the ring-tailed lemur or the transformer, your choices are somewhat extremely limited. Cue the typical 'I'll always be single' moment along with a tonne of cat lady jokes from your friends. Absolutely effing hilarious. Might as well start early though, right?

And with that, I think I've satisfied my curiosity for the world of online dating...
*places order for 50 cats*


  1. You are spot on with all of this! Really funny to read :) x

    Laura // Lola and Behold

  2. This is so funny, this is all so true! I have settled for the 3 cats instead on a man.


  3. Love this post! I have never tried online dating but this was quite enjoyable to read. Love # 15


  4. Omgggg this is too good. The inevitable tiger photo, cracked me up!

    Sophie x

  5. Haha this is so true! x


  6. Haha I love this post so much! Especially the bit about tigers. There's so many of them 'travelling' guys xxx

    -Sarah Speaks

  7. Not going to lie..this has actually made me wish I could of experienced online dating. Even if just for the humour!

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

  8. This. is. amazing! I haven't actually done it myself more because I am slightly scared of how many people I will see and be like WTF you should not be on here...loving some of the profile pics too ;) xxx

  9. So true!! However I met my boyfriend on Tinder so it does happen! We have been together since May and now living together - I never thought that would be the case after so many crazy Tinder experiences!

  10. Havent tried online dating but really enjoyed this post!

    Leonie ♥ IkonikBeauty

  11. Love this hahaha made me laugh so much!

  12. OMG so funny! I never used Tinder but used Plenty of Fish and the number of penis shots I got was enough to put me off internet dating forever! Luckily a couple of months later I met my now boyfriend and couldn't be happier!

    mary //

  13. haha love it! So funny but so true!


  14. Number one- gets me every time...anyone with the name Gary is stuffed lol xxx

  15. Hilarious! I don't think Tinder is for me ahah

    Ana Leote | Meet Me @ 2 am

  16. Oh my gosh Beth this is SO on point, I love it. The 'because no good love story started on Tinder' on is genuinely my thought every five minutes.

    Lots of Love,

    Mel x

  17. I tried online dating last year and I could relate to all of these! I met my other half on the dating website we both used and it was such a great thing. :')

    The things I hated most about online dating were all men assuming you'll be into them, them mostly wanting one thing, trying to charm you only to be total dicks if you didn't reply, and just creepers too.

    Oh those were the days... Months... :P


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