The Expectations of Being 'A Twenty-Something'

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Expectations.  To a certain extent it's good to have them but more often than not, they can be the cause for all matter of disappointments.  When you're younger, you begin to conjure up this image of your life and how it will be when you're 'all grown up'.  You dream of the day when you finally have your shit together (pardon my mild french...) - a nice little place to live,  that 'grown up' career you always dreamed of, a potential somebody to settle down with and, if you're lucky, your own pet cat as the cherry on the top of the cake (or any other pet for that matter - but for the record I've always been a cat lover...) Before you know it, you really are a twenty-something and you realise that you totally haven't got your shit together. At all. Not even close.  At 24, I can't say I'm exactly running out of time can I? But I'd be telling porkies if I told you that I haven't got some sort of idea in my mind of the 'ideals' - the ideal age I'd like to settle down, the ideal age I'd like to have my career sorted - you get the jist - I can't help but notice that a handful of these 'ideals' I've set for myself have either already passed, or are edging closer. I haven't got my career sorted (I've only just left university). I haven't got my own place. I'm still fishing in the singles pond and, you guessed it, I haven't got that pet cat either.

It's only now that I'm beginning to realise that having expectations like these can be the cause of so much uncertainty and unhappiness.  Of course, you've got to have dreams and goals and ambitions but I think, sometimes, we get carried away thinking about what it is we're supposed to be doing rather than just letting things happen naturally - we resist going with the flow, put a time-limit on everything and feel pressurised into being 'perfect'. As I'm currently job-hunting, I've toyed with the possibility of moving away from my home town. Although that excites me, I must admit it's something that doesn't exactly match up with those expectations I once had. Whether I end up doing it or not is another question - it depends on what job I decide to take - but I always thought that if I was going to move away, I'd be doing it with somebody and that I'd have someone to share the excitement with.  I had this image in my head of moving somewhere with a long-term boyfriend, just like so many of my friends have done - but it just hasn't panned out that way for me and sometimes I can't help but feel a bit disheartened about the fact that it won't be how I'd always imagined it to be.  I definitely think that this is where social media can filter into things. My news feed is full of people buying their first house, getting engaged, having babies, gaining promotions and generally just sharing their successes and happiness.  I'm not saying I haven't had my own and of course I'm always chuffed to bits for my friends, but it can be overwhelming when you realise you've almost hit your mid-twenties and aren't even remotely close to having any of these things. Whether you mean to or not, it's very easy to fall in to the trap of comparing your 20-something life to the array of other 20-somethings out there and life can sometimes feel like a competition of who's doing it best and who got there first.

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Which begs the question, what is the rush?  Why do I actually feel rushed in to having all of these things at the age of 24 and why on earth do I feel like I'm running out of time?! When you step back and take a look at things, you realise that there really isn't a set of rules and your twenties (as corny as it sounds) are all about finding yourself, discovering what you want from life, taking steps towards your future and making a few mistakes along the way (and I've made my fair share...) There's no right or wrong way to do things. I have friends my age who still go out and knock back cheap shots every single weekend - good for them - I also have friends my age who are buying houses, planning weddings and having children - that's jolly good too. I'm just floating around somewhere in the middle of all of that - but it just goes to show how having these expectations when we're in our twenties is completely and utterly pointless - there's no unwritten rule that we absolutely have to have everything sorted before we hit 25 - there's no tick-list - so why do I, and so many other people I know, feel so much pressure to have everything in place when in reality, we should just be enjoying things for what they are? 

There's no doubt that being in your twenties can be a little daunting at times. I'm currently job-hunting after finishing my degree (I chose to go to university ever so slightly later than the usual) and can't help but feel I'm a few years behind some of my friends who are all settled in jobs/relationships and are well away climbing up the career ladder - but you know what? That's ok. I have no doubt that it was the right way to go about things for me, and I like to think I've spent time exploring my options, deciding what's best and piecing things together slowly instead of jumping head-first in to something that isn't going to make me happy in the long-term. I've been reminding myself that this little awkward stage in my life isn't going to last forever and that sometimes, it does you good to have some time to re-evaluate and fathom out the next steps you need to take in order to get where you want to be.

Despite all the pressure, you have to remind yourself that it's okay to feel lost now and again.  It's normal to question whether or not you're going in the right direction and it's ok to have absolutely no idea what it is you want to do next. That's the beauty of being in your twenties - there's no better time to make mistakes or change your mind, to feel completely at a loss or feel as if you're back at 'square one'...  Instead of allowing these silly expectations of what you should have achieved/should be doing at a certain age get under your skin, I think it's important to focus on what's right for you. Maybe you've just finished your degree, maybe you've just quit your job and decided on a whim you want to go down a completely new path, maybe you've just come out of a long-term relationship and feel completely daunted at the prospect of learning to be completely by yourself again - just because you're a little bit 'up in the air' doesn't mean that you haven't already accomplished something or made a positive step in the right direction. I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it's important to just step back, realise things for what they are and relax a little. Just because things aren't going the way you planned or hoped doesn't mean that things aren't falling in to place, and just because some people appear to be a little further ahead in this supposed twenty-something-race compared to you, doesn't mean they actually are. If you've been feeling this way lately, i think it's a good thing to remember that you're not alone.  Rest assured that there's other 20-somethings out there who feel exactly the same way as you. Remind yourself that there's no rush, no 'race' and no time-limit when it comes to achieving your goals and ambitions and focus on staying happy and true to yourself - and above all have faith that eventually, things will turn out exactly the way you'd hoped.

'Don't compare your chapter on to somebody else's chapter 20...'

Life Rambles | Finishing Uni, Ends of Eras & Blogging

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Oh hello there. I think it's time to address the elephant in the room. I haven't blogged in nearly 2 weeks. I'm aware that some of you are probably sitting there rolling your eyeballs and muttering 'fsssh...who cares?' but in all honesty, I haven't gone a week without blogging since I first starting typing away my life on Bird's Words 3 years ago and to me - it's felt like a long time to be out of the loop. When you've been blogging a while, and when you've always had some sort of 'routine' with your uploading schedule, 10 days or so without even thinking about uploading a post or taking a single photograph feels rather strange. Top that off with the fact I've had to seriously drop my amount of blogging time the past few months and it really has felt like massive step back from my little hobby - but it's one that I realise I needed. I've had a lot on my plate these past few months - and although blogging is indeed an amazing escape if you've been feeling a little less than chipper, i also think it can be quite refreshing to just take your mind off it now and again. I shall say now that I have no idea where on earth I'm going with this post - it's not at all planned and it's more of a spur of the moment ramble (typical Beth) - but I guess I just wanted to keep you all up to date with why I've been so hit and miss with the ol' blogging regime of late.

I think it's fair to say I'm at a crucial stage of my life right now.  I've officially finished my degree course and aside from dotting a few i's and crossing a few t's, I'm pretty much done and dusted and am preparing myself for a shed load of job interviews and some serious job searching (wish me luck...) It doesn't seem like 5 minutes ago I was typing about my decision to make a change and go to uni after being unhappy in my old job for quite some time. Although uni has been stressful at times, it is without a doubt the best decision I ever made and it has completely changed me as a person. I've always been very ambitious - and when I realised that my old path in life offered me nothing in terms of job satisfaction or room to carve any form of career, I decided to make the jump. I started Bird's Words at the start of my little journey and it's really nice to look back on my old posts and realise how much my life has changed in the space of 3 years.  You don't really think about it at the time, but whenever you hit that 'publish' button, you're almost creating an online diary without even trying. I've gone through some cruddy things the past couple of years - and at times I've even had people suggest that I quit uni and restart again once I've got myself back on track. Well, I certainly stuck two fingers up to that! I realised just quite how strong I can be - and I found that pouring myself completely into my work actually helped me through a lot.

So, whilst I'm currently a complete busy bee trying to set things up for my next step in life, I'm also trying to enjoy the last little dregs of student life and I'm making the most of an end of an era. Saying this, I've realised I'm completely useless when it comes to 'ends of eras'.  Seriously, I turn into an emotional wreck. Some people deal with change amazingly well but I find it rather difficult - I get attached to people and places very easily and I often feel sad about leaving things behind rather than thinking about what fabulous new experiences lie ahead of me. I get quite overwhelmed when I have no idea what's going to happen next (i hate uncertainty) and I also find myself getting sentimental over silly, insignificant things.  I kid you not, I shed a tear when I served my last customer at my old job - who even does that?! I remember thinking 'this is the last time I'm ever going to sit and have a cup of tea in the tea room', 'this is the last time I'm ever going to open the till', 'this is the last time I'm ever going to turn the lights out in the stockroom'.... It legit felt like the last episode of Friends when I handed in my locker key for the last time, let me tell you! How ridiculous?! Surely it's not just me who gets like this when something comes to an end? (no? just me then...) I'm currently going through the same motions now as I pack away my things but i'm determined to grasp every last little ounce of enjoyment out of it because it's something I'm never going to get back again. I'm not a complete emotional numpty though - I'm also excited about finally finding myself a job that I can (hopefully) say that I love and I'm planning on saving the pennies so that I can actually manage to afford a little place of my own (and maybe a nice new car to go with it but let's not get ahead of ourselves...) Who knows, I'm even setting my job searching further afield (despite being the biggest home bird ever) as I quite like the idea of starting afresh. Wipe the slate clean, as they say! 

Before I became a student, I used to think 'how hard can it be' - but I can honestly say it's one of the most challenging things I've ever done yet also one of the most rewarding. I find out the results of my degree on the 17th of this month and that date cannot come quick enough for me.  When I first started my final year, I set myself a little mission to achieve a 'first'. It began as a fleeting thought but gradually, I became quite obsessed with it (I needed something to focus on what with things going on behind the scenes so it became almost like an escape for me) - I've been working like a complete trooper for the past few months. I've had people say 'why are you so bothered? you'll find a job anyway...' but if you're like me, you'll understand.  If you say you're going to do something - you do it. And you do it well.  I'm so excited to finally find out what I've managed to achieve - the thought that I've invested so much time and work in my own future is a feeling that I cannot describe and when it's something you never thought you'd do (I never planned to go to uni), that feeling is even more exaggerated. So - fear not, I'll be back to my beauty blogging ways shortly and I'm certainly not quitting Bird's Words-ing (a few of you have emailed me after noticing - I never knew I was so predictable with my posts!)  I just want to thank you all for being so supportive the past few months - there's a few of you that really have kept me going and although i haven't been as 'full on' on the blogging front, I've still been reading all of your comments and trying my utmost to be as sociable as possible (a challenge in itself - those of you in uni will know how easy it is to become some sort of hermit...) I do apologise for this somewhat boring post - I know that not everyone wants to read about people's lives and not everyone is as nosey as me, but be reassured that I have a heap of products ready and waiting to be written about - in fact, my 'to be photographed' pile is getting ridiculously high - I look like I'm trying to build an escape route in my bedroom... I'm also planning on doing some holiday/summery related posts over the next few months so keep your eyes peeled for those! All that's left to say really is stick with me - there's no way I'm going to drift away from the blogging community no matter how hectic life gets.

Is anyone else like me when it comes to the 'end of an era'? If any of you have also just finished university - I wish you all the best :)

Confidence & Comfort Zones | My Tips for a more confident you!

oo...got to love a good Pinterest quote. Last week, I had a rather interesting conversation with an old friend from work. Without going into too much detail, she told me about how she was really struggling with her confidence and was finding it a bit of a struggle in a new job after a few other major changes in her life.  She's always been a quieter person - (I remember it took me a couple of cups of tea to crack her into a full blown conversation) but I never thought for one minute she'd ask me for a bit of advice.  I am not the most confident person on the planet, let me tell you.  But I have learnt a few things as I've tottled along in life that have become rather helpful to me when it comes down to being a little more outspoken and 'up front' - whether it be at work, presentations at uni or any situation that could sometimes seem a little 'daunting'. I wouldn't class myself as being shy nor overly confident - just 'normal' I guess - I don't struggle too much with new people or speaking up, but I did come up with a few little tips for her that can come in handy with new situations and they're things that can apply to even the most confident among you.  

First off, I really hate how people sometimes define the word 'confidence'.  At school, the 'shy' people are always picked out like it's a bad thing to be a little more introverted and if you don't speak up in class then it means you aren't 'engaging' in a lesson. But you don't need to be a typical class clown/loud mouth/bully to have confidence whatsoever - you don't need to shout from the rooftops or crack jokes at every stranger you see.  I can tell you now from my school experience (going back a bit now but I'm sure a lot of you will agree) that people like this often turn out to be the ones with the most insecurities. It's worth remembering that even the most confident people get a little nervous or scared sometimes. They might not admit it, but they do. I think everybody has a certain 'situation' that makes them feel as if they've lost their voice a little and it's important to remember that feeling a little shy sometimes is perfectly normal and above all it's perfectly fine.  It just helps a little to know how to push yourself into breaking that imaginary 'barrier' in your head.  I thought I'd share a few things that I believe have helped me over the years to become a more confident person...

Consider a job in retail or 'customer service'

My first 'proper' job (after pottering about doing admin work and office based stuff for family) was in retail. In fact, I've only just recently left after roughly 5 years and although I can't tell you I enjoyed it thoroughly, I liked the fact that it allowed me to grow so much as a person and I've taken a lot of good things away from it - skills that have proven so valuable to me both at uni and in life in general.  Any job or work experience you have is good - but I can say I definitely felt thrown in at the deep end when i started my job as it was so customer driven.  Although I worked in a shop, it was very 'customer focused' and sometimes quite sales-y.  We were told from day one to make conversation with every customer, think about speaking positively and being aware of using any negative statements - you get the jist (yes, sorry I was one of those annoying sales assistants that asks you if you're OK or 'just browsing' about 50,0000 times).  And although I sometimes hated it I had to try and deal with some pretty irate folk at times (pairs of wellies never caused so much drama!), I learnt to engage with people of all kinds - old, young, deaf, blind, friendly, rude, charming, sarcastic... the list goes on and on.  I also learnt how to deal with conflict and how best to diffuse awkward situations in the best way I could, and I learnt how to tailor my speech to people depending on their age or needs (the role often meant sitting with people for a good 20 minutes or so - so trying your best to keep a conversation going was vital and I learnt a lot of good tips!)  It sounds silly - almost every job involves this somehow - but the strong customer service side of things really did force me to become more sociable and less worried about what people thought of me. I learnt to build a rapport with people within seconds. Even the most moody people will crack a smile at you if you just try with them.  If I ever got a rude customer and I was in a really productive mood, I'd challenge myself to see if I could turn their frown around by the time they walked out!

Fake it until you make it!

I remember when I was at school and hearing Beyonce telling an interviewer that she has an alter-ego in her head when she's on stage.  I'm not saying pretend you're someone else, always be yourself, but it's true that acting a little bit works.  Remember when you were a young'un and you told little white lies over and over until you actually believed them yourself? A really good tip is to just act like you're fine in the situation - once you've done it a couple of times, you'll realise that it's not that bad after all.  It takes practice, but just think of it as a little 'performance' in your head. I did this with job interviews and presentations until I realised that actually, I was completely fine without acting it at all - by then, I'd learnt that I could do it anyway.

Visualise a situation going well

I'm awful with this one, i'll admit.  If I'm feeling nervous about something, I will think about it and mull it over and over until I've terrified myself to the point where I just want to back out.  I know it's hard - but the more you nip it in the bud and imagine positive thoughts - the more likely it is that the situation will go well.  I sometimes even visualise things I might say, or do - if it's an important presentation I just tell myself over and over that I've done it before, it hasn't gone wrong once and that this time is no different.  What is the worst that can happen?

Remember - Nobody Cares!

How many times have you spoken to someone you don't know too well and said something a little bit daft, or embarrassed yourself in some way? I know I have! Sometimes I think 'why did I just say that?!' - but it's important to remember that people just don't care.  Even if they do, they will have a little snigger and forget all about it 5 minutes later.  If you're ever feeling self conscious just remember that people are thinking more about themselves than what you're saying or doing.  Other people don't analyse your actions as much as you will do.

Speak to strangers. Brighten someones day.

If going all out into situations you aren't comfortable with terrifies you, then take baby steps.  Speak to the lady at the till instead of opting for the self-service.  Say hello to the bus driver even if they're miserable (I'm on first name terms with a good few now...). I remember when I was having a bad day at work it was lovely when a customer said something nice.  For example, if you like the girl's nail polish who's serving you in a shop - tell her and ask her what it is! It's so easy to just say - 'oo I love your nail polish, what is it?' - asking a question is key as it provokes conversation back and avoids awkwardness. (I often do this - I actually found one of my favourite hair products by asking a girl in H&M how she styled her hair - she looked really happy I was interested... It's nice to spread a few happy vibes now and again).

Smile.

Shyness is more often than not mistaken for ignorance. It's a shame but it's very true. I always remember this if I'm ever feeling a little wobbly.  Even if you don't want to say anything, just have a positive mind and smile at people.  Make eye contact. Little things make a big difference and don't take a lot of bravery at all :) 

Inner confidence.

If you want to be a more confident person, the first step is to learn to love who you are. Yes, it's a cliche. But this cliche is somewhat true. What are your good points? So what if you're not the best talker - what are you good at? Focus on your talents. So what if you're a little quiet sometimes? As I've said - it is not a bad thing.  I like to be quiet sometimes - nobody likes a cocky so and so! 

The conversation 'bank'

If you're going to an event or situation where you don't know many people, it's worth compiling your own little 'bank' of conversation starters or things to say.  What would you like to be asked? What interesting things could you tell someone about you? Everyone likes to talk about themselves - that's a fact - if you ask someone a question about their life they will answer you with enthusiasm - i bet. Similarly, if you need to phone someone and are worried about getting words muddled, it helps to write down what you want to say before you pick up the handset.   

My '10 minute' rule.

If you're having a class discussion, or are in a meeting at work or you have a group interview - have some form of input at the beginning and make your opinion/presence known.  It's a known fact that the longer you leave things, the harder they get - so it pays to speak up in situations like this within the first 10 minutes.  Even if you don't feel like saying much after this and prefer to just take in what others are saying - that's fine.  Little contributions go a long way.

And so there we have it - these are just things I've done since I was younger in order to make myself a more confident person. There's a balance between confident and 'cocky' that's for sure - remember that you don't have to be a loud mouth Larry to feel confident in yourself. I definitely have been a more outgoing person the past 5 years, and I truly believe it's because I made such a focus on it since my later years of school.  It doesn't come in the wave of a magic wand (how nice would that be?) but it does come gradually and the more you do these things, the easier they will become and the more natural they begin to be.  I don't think twice about certain things I used to be a bit nervous of before and I'd genuinely describe myself as a fairly confident person these days. Of course, I still get nervous/shy sometimes but if I ever do then I often use a few of these tips here and find that in a short amount of time, I feel fine again. I guess it helps i've always loved to talk and have a natter but even if it doesn't come naturally to you then just work on it. People will make opinions of you whether you or quiet or not, so why not just be yourself and throw caution to the wind once in a while?  Above all - always remember that people just don't care if you mess up or if you say something silly because they are too busy thinking about themselves (as you are!)  If something doesn't go well - then try again.  Surround yourself with family and friends and have a good support network around you and I promise you that you can get through any situation eventually. Even if you're not naturally a chit-chatty person that's fine - remember that - the key is to think positive, smile, appear approachable and believe in yourself a little more... (and plunge yourself in at the deep end sometimes - it does you good. Promise :))

If all else fails - just smile through it As good ol' Roald Dahl once said 'If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely' - now how's that for motivational, eh?

What are your tips for feeling confident? 

Advice To My Teenage Self & Silly Things We Did At School

Me last year on my nan's boat in Norfolk | Quote - Oscar Wilde | Frizzy-mess hair courtesy of - The Wind.

Every now and again, I like to type up a little (what I like to call) 'slice of lifestyle pie'.  This post wasn't planned - spur of the moment n' all that..  I haven't edited so do forgive me for it being a little rambly and rather lengthy, but I know a few of you enjoy my diary/life related posts and I often sit down with a cuppa to read things like this on other blogs (apologies to those of you who prefer no more than a couple of papargraphs ;)) A while back, I saw posts like these floating around the bloggersphere yet never decided to do one myself.  You know when you have one of those reflective moments in life (getting a bit deep here..get the goggles out!) when you think back to your younger days, think about how you've changed as a person and things you would change if you had the chance?

Me and my best friend sat on my bedroom floor (we never sit on chairs, always the floor..we have done since we were 12) on one of our many girlie nights the other week, and looked through all of our notes and letters we used to sneakily pass to each other at school in our lessons. We kept a big stash of them in an envelope and now and again, like our own little time capsule, we open this top secret envelope and look back on our younger days. It was a right hoot, let me tell you.  It really took me back to being a teenager again and how carefree our lives actually were - even though some of what we said in these letters really made us cringe, it was fabulous to look back and reminisce. All the little notes we have kept are written on torn out pages of our school books and planners (and believe me we used every last inch of those little torn pieces of paper) we folded them up into teeny-tiny little squares within an inch of their life, so they were as discreet as they could possibly be.  I still remember the sheer horrifying, gut-wrenching moment when our english teacher snatched the note we had been writing back and forth for the whole lesson from our hands, and threatened to read it out to the whole class. After a few whimpers from the both of us and the exchange of looks on our faces, we spent the whole lesson on the edge of our plastic chairs. He never did read that note out, and for that I am eternally grateful (thankyou, Mr Brandreth, in the very unlikely case you're reading this), but we never got that letter back.  I can just imagine him going home, finding it in his suit pocket and thinking to himself what a strange pair of students we really were.  We used to make up our own languages and words and create secret 'code names' for boys we both liked. I used to vandalise her pencil case with 'I love ? IDST' (If destroyed still true..who remembers that fabulous little abbreviation creation!?) and 'Sarah smells' - every single young teenager cliche you can think of, we did. Skip foward a few years and at 22/23 we are still the best of friends. I still tell her everything, we still sit and gossip about male species and er..related subjects, and we still giggle at things we used to giggle at when we first met (we still crack out the made-up words now and again).  There's nothing like a friendship where you can still whip out the same jokes you used when you were younger and still cry tears of laughter years later. 

Although my days at school were happy ones, and I wouldn't change them for the world, I wouldn't like to go back to them now.  I know people say your school days are the best days of your life, and although this is true in the sense that you have nothing to worry about except deciding the route which gives you the best possibility of seeing a certain boy between lessons, school-life is like living your life in a little bubble.  You can't get away from the 'popular crowd', the bitchy gossiping and even the class bully no matter how hard you try.  When I was at school I remember thinking that the way things were in that building was reflective of how things would be when I 'grew up' - and I wish I'd have known how things would be in a few years time. Saying this, I loved school - I really did.  Mine was a little rough around the edges at times, the type of school where it was the 'in thing' to do anything and everything besides doing your work and the popular crowd was made up of some pretty colourful characters, but I still turned out just fine (I'm not saying it was gang-land or anything, but you get my drift..) Here's a few little tit-bits I would tell my teenage self if I had the chance to now..
 

| Stand up for yourself gurrrrl! |

Sometimes, you'll wish you stood up for yourself a little bit more - but in the end you'll be glad that you stayed true to yourself and didn't cause a fuss. That inner confidence you have is never going to go away and in a few years time you'll see it to it's full potential. But I wish sometimes that you'd told some people exactly what you thought and spoke your mind a bit more. Don't be so polite that you come across like a doormat to be walked all over. Don't worry though, in a few years time those people won't matter at all, and you'll even have the chance to prove some of them wrong. Remember that time when your cooking teacher went crazy at you, made you give up your lunch hour to wash up all the pots that someone else 'forgot' to wash up and you got the blame for their laziness..(even when you'd already done your pots and pans)? You didn't want to cause a fuss so you just did it anyway, albeit with a bit of a huff and a puff, a scowl on your face and a few muttered curse words under your breath, but you still did it. I admire your attitude towards certain situations and I'm glad you knew when it was best to keep your mouth shut, but your future self would have told that woman politely where to shove those pots and pans.

 | Continue to work hard |

Keep working hard, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm so glad you didn't give in and fall in with the wrong crowd. The 'popular crowd' might be popular in school but when they leave, trust me, you'll have the last laugh.  You also have some serious thankyou's to owe to your art teachers - they are the one's that gave you the confidence to get where you are now and if it wasn't for them, you'd have been stuck struggling to understand that Psychology A-level you attempted to take.. (that career wouldn't really have gone very far would it? Not when you struggle to write the name of the subject correctly..let alone write an essay on it..) And please stop messing around in your Geography lessons.. looking back now I feel so sorry for your teacher...

| You're a good judge of character - for goodness sake - use it |

There's a few friends you will have that aren't good for your well being at all - I'm so glad you let go of them but I wish you had done it sooner.  Don't let the people who don't care about their education and their future pull you back. They might think they look ever-so popular and amazing now, but in a few years time you'll realise that it's really not worth it and that the tables turn very quickly.  There's one friend who you'll still be close to in your 20's and one that will be a friend for life - you already know who she is - I'm so glad you didn't let that one go because you still have the same amount of giggles now than you did when you were 11.  

| Stop caring so much what people think of you |

Who cares if a certain boy that takes your fancy doesn't feel the same back!? In a few years time he will actually send you a message asking you to go out for a drink (#truestory) and you will show him the same courtesy that he showed you. Stop caring so much about what people think of you, there's plenty of time to be grown up about stuff, and try not to let words effect you so much. It's still your greatest downfall now. Nip it in the bud now, please.

| Don't wish away your teenager days |

You have a fabulous opportunity to enjoy yourself every day and not have to worry about work - use it.  Never again will you have the chance to spend time with your best friends every single day of the week and finish the day at 3:00! Make the most of it! 

| Stop worrying |

You'll always be a natural worrier, this will never ever change, but you'll soon realise that things don't matter half as much as you thought they did.  Also, stop worrying so much about your panic attacks - you will go through a very tough time with them but you're going to come out the other end so much better and you'll learn to cope with them. Stick with it. Things will get better. I promise you. I wish so much you'd known this a few years back. And please stop obsessing over boys.. jeeeeez woman! 

| Please stop plucking your eyebrows |

For goodness sake, stop plucking your eyebrows. You'll regret being so tweezer-happy with them in a few years time when you have the worst arches in the world, trust me.

| A little fashion/beauty advice... |

That fake playboy bowling bag you got from the market that you think looks amazing? IN.THE.BIN. Burn it. Attach it to a breeze block or something and throw it in a deep expanse of water. Just get rid of it! Nobody looks good with a bowling bag. Your future self will be so embarrassed (#cringin'ell!). Your mother was right, that metallic white eyeshadow looks awful (as does that eyeliner you apply round the back of the garages when you know she can't see you applying more makeup) And those synthetic hair extensions you thought looked amazing. They don't. What on earth made you think that having black and pink stripes in your lovely blonde hair looked nice in any way shape or form?

So there we have it, I could go on but these are things I'd love to tell myself should I have the chance.  I'd love to tell my teenage self about how things are now, about my journey so far but I've enjoyed being a little bit indecisive at times and letting things work themselves out.  

What would you tell your teenage self if you could go back now? Any of my memories remind you of your own school days? If you decide to do a similar post, do let me know - I love a good reminisce, me! @Beth_BirdsWords.

A New Chapter...

Today, I said goodbye to something that has been a big part of my life and worked my last shift at the shop I've been working in for the past 4 (and a bit) years, and it's been quite a strange day to say the least. I started there as a weekend girl when I was still at college and I remember my first day like it was yesterday! I remember going to grab some lunch on my dinner hour and not having a clue where to go or what to do with myself, and I ended up with a Greggs sausage roll and a donut, awkwardly sitting on a bench because I didn't want to disturb anyone already in the tea room (don't we all just hate that awkward introductory period when you start a new job?!) After college, I made it a full-time thing and enjoyed my 9-5s, 5 days a week (what a way to make a living..Dolly Parton wasn't joking..) and became 'part of the shop furniture'.. for a good 2 years I honestly thought it was where I wanted to go with my life. But then the little niggle started and I haven't shifted it ever since... making the decision to go to uni was the beginning of it.. and here I am a year or so later concentrating on a completely different career path.

I decided that I wanted a change for 2013, and I knew if i didn't make the change now then I would have gone through another year of umming and arring over the job pages of the newspaper, wondering what else could be out there. It was a very big decision for me, and a rather scary one at that, as I'm leaving before I've found something new (cue lots of gasps and 'are you sure's' from family and friends). Admittedly, I'm a natural worrier and doing this has just been a massive leap into the unknown for me - It could either make or break me and I could well find out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.. but I'm determined to turn it into a positive. I get attached to places and people very quickly and changing things I'm comfortable with doesn't sit right with me.. So I'm now in the ever so horrible position of trawling job sections of papers and job websites looking for something new.. I forgot how horrible it is trying to find a job, and it's even worse knowing I've put myself in this position. But hey-ho! We live and learn... This said, I'm so set on making this work for me, and I really needed a new start this year. I'm so serious about what I now want from life and I just wanted to step back, think about it all and concentrate on that for a while. I suppose that sometimes in life we all have to throw the dice a little and do things we are unsure of, otherwise we would never progress..

My wonderful colleagues suprised me at the end of my shift with a lovely card and presents (wrapped beautifully in bird patterned wrapping paper..they know me so very well!) I really wasn't expecting it and as soon as I'd served my last customer they all presented it to me and I was honestly so amazed as to how thoughtful they had been.  They're all aware I write this blog, and they'd treated me to some Benefit goodies ('Big Beautiful Eyes contouring kit' & 'Go Tropi-Coral' containing High Beam, Cha Cha Tint, Coralista Blush and Coralista Lip Gloss!)  I'd mentioned in the past how I hadn't tried much of their stuff - so it was a lovely suprise and I was totally over the moon about it - they had thoroughly spoilt me! The card was just the best bit though, and I'll keep it forever and ever. They'd all written their own message inside and it just reminded me of how many good times I've had in that little shop over the years with all of them. I've had many a giggle, with both the staff and my customers, and I know that I'm just going to look back on that stage of my life when I'm older and be glad that I stayed there for as long as I did.  It's given me so many life skills and bags of confidence I wouldn't have necessarily gained out of another job, and on the whole it's really shaped me as a person.

Needless to say, it was such a challenge battling back the tears when I hugged everyone goodbye at 5:00 this afternoon...it's very strange how your colleagues become your little work family isn't it?.. If any of you are reading this.. I shall miss you very much... and I thoroughly look forward to sharing a beverage or two with you at my leaving do (although now i'm living off my student loan & 'rainy day savings', the drinks are on you ;))

Keep your eyes peeled for my Benefit goodies popping up on my blog in the near future!
♥