Why I Miss the Way Blogging Used To Be

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Sometimes I can't quite believe I started this blog 4 years ago.  I've shared a lot over that amount of time and even though my rambles are mostly beauty related, I see my blog as much more than a place to share my opinions on cosmetics and make-up...it's become almost like a diary for me.  As silly as it sounds, I often sit and read through my older posts - I find it so interesting to read back and see how much I've changed as a person. Bird's Words has seen me go through so much - starting uni, finishing uni, quitting jobs, beginning new jobs, break-ups, tough times, happy times - I feel like I've been writing this blog through so many different transitions and stages of my life that it's genuinely become part of me and who I am. When I published my first ever post, I never knew just how much of a big part of myself it would become or how many opportunities it would bring me. It became much more than just a beauty blog - it became an outlet and a distraction for me when I was feeling down, yet it also became a place for me to share my personal successes and happiness - it's been a complete joy to write.  For me, my blog is a massive positive and something that I've grown so attached to and proud of during those few years.  I can remember exactly who I was, what I was doing and how I felt even through the shortest blog post about a random lipstick. It's such a nice thing to have and all this time I've been writing, I've been  unknowingly creating this little document containing snippets of my life for the past 4 years. I feel so lucky to have it.

I've always shared the negative with the positive on this blog and although it makes me sad to continue with this post, it's something that's been playing on my mind for weeks and weeks and it seemed silly not to share it - like I'm ignoring a massive elephant in the room. If you've been reading my blog for a long time, then you might have noticed a slight change the past few weeks and I feel as if I should be honest about the way things are -both with myself and my readers.  I guess I just haven't been feeling as motivated as usual to keep up with my schedule - I'm sure we all feel like that from time to time (i stand by the fact that bloggers-block syndrome is real) but this time it feels a lot different. Usually if I've felt a bit de-motivated,  it's been a fleeting moment influenced by working a lot or university deadlines - but this time it's much more than that - it's almost like I'm now at a crossroads in some way where I need to make the decision whether or not to continue doing something I've loved doing for so long, or stop. 

I'll be completely honest and say that at the moment I feel like I'm blogging for bloggings sake. If anybody ever asked me 'when will you stop?' - my answer was always the same - 'I can't see myself ever stopping but the moment when it stops making me happy - i'll call it a day'.  Honestly, I never actually thought there would be a day where I didnt love every second of my little blogging journey - but at the moment I don't enjoy this the way I used to and I'm not entirely sure I'm doing it for fun anymore - it's become more out of habit. Don't get me wrong, once I get into writing a post, I'm reminded why I love being a blogger, but I'd be lying if I said I feel the same as I used to about it.  I've questioned why I'm carrying on despite feeling less than chipper about it and the truth is, it makes me feel so sad to let such a big part of my life go - if you're a blogger you'll understand just how much influence it has over your life and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to call it quits on something I've loved for so long.  Deep down I don't think I actually want to stop - but there's a couple of things recently that really have completely changed my mindset about blogging and, quite frankly, it's become clear to me that it's impossible for me to overlook these things.  I questioned at first whether or not the way i've been feeling is because of new work commitments and life changes, but almost 3 months later - it's becoming clear as day that it's simply not the case.   The truth is - I'm falling out of love with blogging. There, I've said it.  But I have no doubt in my mind why I've been feeling this way and it's by no means because I've simply gotten 'bored'. 

Blogging is an amazing hobby - you don't realise it when you begin but sooner or later down the line, you're introduced to the whole online community of like-minded beauty enthusiasts that share your interests and it's almost as if a whole new world opens up...your blog becomes much more than somewhere to share an opinion.  You learn new things, discover all sorts you never would have before, open new doors for yourself and what's more - you develop genuine friendships.  Familiar faces pop up in your comments box, a tweet from a favourite blogger or an email from a reader completely makes your day and if you're ever having a bad time - you know that somebody, somewhere will listen. The community spirit surrounding blogging truly has amazed me in the past and I can honestly say there's a select handful of people that I am so glad to have met and spoken to because of blogging...genuine people I've developed a genuine bond with all of which has stemmed from a few words in a comments box - it's amazing.  But as with all things, there's a negative side to it all too.  Everybody always seems to comment on the supportive spirit of blogging - but if you scratch the surface - is it really what everybody makes it out to be? Because I'm not entirely convinced that it is anymore and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only blogger who thinks this way.

There's no doubt that blogging is not what it was a few years ago when I began writing.  It's developed into something way bigger - we now live in a world where people make millions from sitting behind a camera in their bedroom and people have the potential to make good money from their writing.  Don't get me wrong, as a blogger I think that it's fantastic - I'm sure if you're a blogger too you'll know just how much work and time it takes to publish content on a regular basis and I think it's a great thing that people are able to make money from doing something they love and pour so much of their personal time into (let's face it - it can become almost like a second job at times!)  However, I do think it's made blogging a lot more competitive and results focused - it's losing that element of spontaneity as well as slowly taking away the fun, carefree element.  A blog post doesn't stop at scribbling down your opinion anymore - it seems as if it's more about who can take the best photographs,  who has the best layout, who has the most followers or comments and who gets noticed the most...everything seems to be focused around follower numbers and popularity. For some reason, it all seemed much more genuine to me at the beginning. There were no unwritten rules and it all seemed a much more positive, friendly and supportive place to be. I guess i just miss the spontaneous nature of the way things were 3 or 4 years ago...it was much more humble and there were no pressures whatsoever to blog a certain way. You just did what you wanted to do - you created your blog your way, there wasn't so much focus on sharing your entire life via social media and if someone stumbled upon your blog - then great. Everybody who blogged was blogging for the same reason - simply because they wanted to and loved doing it. There was no competition or rivalry whatsoever. Is it just me who sometimes misses the simple days of following a blog via GFC? When Bloglovin' was introduced, everything shifted in my opinion. If a blog didn't have a follow button I simply added it to a bookmark on my computer regardless - now it seems that your blog only gets noticed if you have a full set of social media icons and a bloglovin' button with an impressive number. 

In my opinion it's slowly changed the way blogging used to be.  Without giving this too much context, some of you might be aware that I found myself at the end of some accusations at the beginning of the year - and I have to say, that was without a doubt the turning point for me and I've never really felt the same way about blogging since if I'm being completely upfront and honest.  It was like a switch overnight. Before it all, the thought of stopping never crossed my mind and I was so enthusiastic and motivated with my blog - probably more so than ever. But it's completely altered my thoughts on the blogging world and has made me feel so negative and down about the entire thing and try as I might, I just cannot shift it. Everybody has a negative comment from time to time but this was different.  I just really don't think the same thing would have happened a few years ago and it's a shame that blogging has developed such a side to it. Over the years, I've seen a few bloggers find themselves at the receiving end of criticism for one reason or another - some of them I would have classed as favourite reads of mine. I've watched them completely drop off the scale and quit blogging almost instantly and I find it so sad that a comment or two on a computer screen can have such an effect on someone.  I often wondered why they would stop all because of a few words but I have to say - I completely understand now. When blogging is such a big part of your life, of course it's going to effect you on a personal level when negative things are said.  When your integrity has been questioned also - as mine has - it's extremely difficult to move on and forget...especially when you literally can't do a thing about it (and believe me, I've tried). It's so incredibly frustrating - I can't even begin to put it in to words. I've had people I've always noticed pop up in my comments box completely disappear, I've read things about myself and my blog that simply aren't true in the slightest - in fact, I'm pretty sure I've read posts on the subject - and if you haven't had it happen to you then it's hard to imagine how it feels. You can't not take it personally. You can read a thousand positive comments on your blog but still only remember the negative ones and I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's not bothered me - because it has.  I've actually sat in tears on my boyfriend's sofa telling him about all of this and I've had endless conversations with friends and colleagues and it's just made me think - if this is what blogging has become - is it really worth it? Some might say that's dramatic and it's silly to read so much into a negative response or comment, but I'm just the type of person who doesn't take well to things like this and as a result, I've lost all enthusiasm for something which I used to love overnight. Not everybody on the internet has a thick skin and I think that's important to remember. It really has gotten to me on much more of a personal level than I would have imagined and I completely salute all the 'big' bloggers and Youtubers out there who have to deal with hate, accusations and gossip on a regular basis.  I raise my hat to you. I couldn't do it.  The internet can be a cruel place.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not entirely sure what the future holds for Bird's Words anymore and that there are reasons why I feel this way...it's not because I've gotten bored, or can't be bothered, or that life has got in the way, or even that i particularly want to stop...and I guess I just wanted to highlight that fact. I still plow through my reading list on my lunch break, I still buy products and 'save' them because I want to photograph them looking all pretty and I still find myself jotting down ideas for posts - the beauty obsessive blogger is still here somewhere - but I'm struggling at the moment to take the plunge and get back to where I was. Of course, if I do decide to take a break then there's no reason why I might not come back or start again in the future once I feel ready - I like to think that I would  - but I hate doing things by halves. I still have a few posts I want to write so I won't drop completely off the face of the earth, I just reckon it might be time to step back, re-evaluate and twiddle my thumbs for a while until I know where I stand with my blog and the bloggosphere in general. 

Anyway, before I ramble on any further, I shall end this post here (I've written an actual book here haven't I?) I have no idea where I've been going with this if I'm completely honest - I reckon I'm writing it more for my own benefit (isn't it funny how blogging can be a form of therapy!?) - I guess I just wanted to be completely honest about the way things are.  Like I said, I've always shared the negative with the positive and I just wanted to let other bloggers out there who maybe feel or have felt this way in the past that you're certainly not alone. I really hope that a little downtime will do me good and I'll be back to my old blogging ways in the near future.  Before I tottle off, I just wanted to say that your support has not gone un-noticed. Honestly. Thankyou so so much to those of you who have carried on reading and commenting - you're the reason I've continued despite feeling less than chirpy about the blogging world and you really have spurred me on... thank you to each and every one of you for making writing my blog such a wonderful experience.

*P.S - I apologise this post was so long - I did try to cut some jibber-jabber out but it made sense for it to just be a completely honest ramble - not planned :)

Lots of love xx

She Wears Make-up.. So She MUST be Insecure | A Beauty Blogger's Perspective

Okay. So, as a 'beauty blogger', I'm quite aware of the fact that I'm putting myself out there for people to form an instant opinion of me and as fellow bloggers, I'm sure you're all familiar with the whole 'should I tell friends/family?' situation you had to battle with in the early days of writing your blog. Aside from a few jokey comments now and again, my blog has been positively received by my friends, family and colleagues - even the lady who sits with me on the bus on a Thursday evening knows about my blog - for me, it's something I'm proud of and I'd quite happily shout my blog link from the top of the tallest building in my home town and tell everybody that they simply must go and read it (ahaha..okay maybe not THAT proud, but you get the jist..)  People who stumble across my little slice of the interwebs will probably think I'm one heck of a materialistic, beauty-obsessed young female, and that's perfectly fine to think that - but one thing that gets my goat, however, is how people seem to form this opinion of girls (bloggers or non-bloggers) who wear make-up on a daily basis.

We all wear cosmetics for a number of different reasons but show me a beauty blogger who doesn't enjoy the process of testing and trying, and applying and putting on their makeup? If we didn't enjoy doing all of this faffing around, then would we really sit and write about all of these lotions and potions adorning our bathroom shelves? I think not.  For someone who is interested in beauty, it's natural to want to get creative and experiment with cosmetic products and I for one love the process of applying my makeup in the morning - it isn't a chore for me whatsoever and it's something that perks me up for the day ahead.  I hate the expression people sometimes use of 'putting your face on' - it makes it sound like it's some sort of regime used to hide and camouflage what you 'really look like', but for the majority of girls its actually just about extenuating the features you already have - makeup and cosmetics aren't there to hide natural beauty in any way and I know when I put on my makeup, I like it to look as natural as I possibly can - or at least done in a way that it doesn't look 'overdone' or 'false'. I'm sure most of you would agree with this and think of makeup in a similar way yourselves, and from time to time the majority of you have probably also fallen victim to opinionated little sods who notice you have a few flicks of mascara on and label you instantly.

I wear make-up most days. If I'm being totally honest here I never leave it off unless I know I'm staying in the house all day or if I'm on holiday and it's too bloomin' hot to slap anything aside from a dollop of suncream on my face. In summer, I tend to leave the foundation off and ease-up on the eyeliner a little bit but that's about your lot with me! I've never had anyone say anything bad to me about it, but I have had people question me over whether or not I'd ever go out without a face of makeup. My answer is always the same. Yes. But I just wouldn't feel fabulous about it. But not for the reasons people always expect. I'd be telling porkies if I said I felt completely confident without an ounce of make-up on my face (i doubt there's very many girls who could honestly say that too.. if you're reading this and you're one of them - I salute you!), but I just like to make the best of myself - and putting on make-up is my way of prepping myself for the day ahead. After all, you never know what's going to happen. Who says you might not stumble across Mr.Right in Sainsburys carpark (this being said he should fall in love with you with or without a face of slap ;))? Or be offered some form of job opportunity on a whim when having general mosey around town (in this current climate I deem this is highly unlikely, but you have to expect the unexpected - right?) I guess I've always been brought up to believe that first impressions count, and whilst I don't want people to think I'm a dolled up little clown, I also don't want people to think that I can't be bothered with my appearance - in a professional sense, it's always good to look a little polished.  You aren't going to get a dream job by waltzing into an interview with last night's hangover face and a bed head that even Russel Brand would be terrified of, would you?

It just really niggles me that people suggest that girls who wear make up are insecure. Does it not occur to them that maybe they just enjoy to apply it? Or maybe they've been brought up in a household where that's the norm? I see applying make-up as my little morning routine. I get out of bed, shove on my monster feet slippers and shuffle to the bathroom mirror and actually enjoy the process of just 'getting ready'. I'm definitely not a 'shower and go' girl and I never, ever will be. When I was younger, I was always fascinated by make-up and was a typical girlie girl that would steal my mum's lippie and walk around in high heels far too big for my little feet before any of my friends knew what 'eyeshadow' was.  I used to tell everybody at school my dreams of becoming a make-up artist and I loved nothing more than applying cosmetics to my friends faces whilst they sat there bored out of their mind (i must have been a bossy little madam to be friends with back then..)  A few years later and I'm not a make-up artist, but I've always been a creative person (I now study Graphic Design/Illustration and all that jazz) and I enjoy playing around with pretty things and making things look a certain way. I remember taking my make-up off at work once to show one of my colleagues that I actually didn't give a hoot because she made such a big deal about it (although I did put a little bit back on again for reappearing on the shop floor after my lunch hour...)  I guess the point i'm trying to make is, wearing makeup isn't a bad thing and it baffles me as to why some people tar us all with the same brush. We don't all look like drag queens ready for a night on the tiles and heaven forbid we ever do!

I think the key is to establish what is comfortable for you and how you live your life. I certainly never judge a girl who doesn't share the same love for cosmetics and hair-goodies as me.  I sometimes envy those who can just step out of the house and not give a flying monkeys about it, but it's just how I've grown up - I've always been a bit of a girl's girl - I was never one for roughing and tumbling about in the mud with my friend's little brothers when I was younger.  With the pressure put on girls these days to look a certain way, it's hardly surprising that all of us have insecurities and that dolling ourselves up of a morning becomes part of the daily routine, but wearing make-up is often seen as a bad thing by some people - and I just don't think it's fair whatsoever to judge a girl on whether or not she fancies wearing a bit of red lipstick to the office or not. There's no doubt that make-up certainly gives us confidence (if I ever have a meeting, an important day at work, or a presentation at uni, guaranteed I'll always spend an extra five minutes on my makeup that morning because it gives me that extra bit of #GoOnThen), but to assume that a female must be riddled with insecurity simply because she decides to wear a bit of lipstick or adorn a cat-flick with her eyeliner is just a little bit silly and dare I say it, a little ignorant. In the same way that just because I write about beauty and all things cosmetic-related that I simply MUST be ridiculously materialistic..which is probably true in some ways come to think of it..but there's more to my life and things I care about one hell of a lot more than the latest eyeshadow palette.

What are your thoughts on this as fellow beauty lovers?
Have you experienced a similar sort of thing in the past?