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Wednesday 13 June 2012

Living with Panic Attacks



I've been contemplating writing this post for a while now - the subject being something rather personal to me which I don't tend to share with a lot of people - not because I feel uncomfortable in doing so but because of its tendency to be misunderstood. So, i’ll just jump straight in and tell you my big secret… I suffer with panic attacks. At some stage in my life, i would have probably found it incredibly embarrassing to share this fact about myself with anyone, let alone posting it on my blog for the world to see. However, as i’ve grown older, I’ve come to realise that there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and that there are actually lots of people in this world who feel the exact same way. It’s one part of ‘me’ that can often make life a little bit difficult from time to time - but after 20+ years of battling with them, I have to say I've learnt one hell of a lot about dealing with panic and how to overcome it.  I thought it would be a fabulous idea to share some of my experiences in the hope that it might be beneficial to somebody out there. This is going to be a long post, i apologise in advance - but if you suffer with panic attacks yourself or know somebody else who does it may be of interest to you.

What a panic attack feels like
If you don't suffer with them yourself, the only way i can describe them is absolutely terrifying. To put it rather simply - it feels as if you're going to die. Your heart races, your vision goes blurry, you feel incredibly sick and above all, it becomes increasingly difficult to breathe. Your mind and body convinces you that something really bad is happening or is going to happen and you feel as if you simply have to get out of the situation you’re in - a response called ‘fight or flight’. A panic attack isn't just a feeling of being nervous (as is often thought) - it’s much more than that. In fact, you don't even have to be feeling 'nervous' to get one. They begin from nowhere and often with little warning. Sometimes you can feel it building up for a matter of hours, but other times it washes over you like a wave that i can't even begin to explain; and it can happen anytime, anywhere.  

A typical panic attack lasts for about 20 minutes. It may not sound a long time, but once it has you gripped i can tell you that it feels like forever. Sometimes it is possible to have a series of attacks one after the other and other times it is possible to feel the effects of an attack for the majority of a day - coming in waves of intense panic and settling to an underlying feeling of unease. They also leave you feeling incredibly drained and weak afterwards due to all of the adrenaline that has been running through your body. Not nice. Not nice at all.

My Experience with Panic Attacks
For as far back as i can remember I have suffered with panic attacks. In fact, I don't actually recall a time when I haven’t had them and they are just something i've had to learn to live with. I have no idea what it might feel like to not have this little cloud of un-easyness come and visit me from time to time. Most people develop panic attacks in their early 20s, but I've had to deal with it from an extremely young age. I can actually recall the feeling of panic as far back as some of my earliest memories. 

If i try and think back to when I first began to realise something was wrong, it would be when I was in my first year of junior school. I was standing in a line with all of my friends outside the school hall ready to go into an assembly. All of a sudden i felt an intense wave of panic - i couldn't breathe, i felt extremely sick and began to shake uncontrollably. It’s such a vivid memory for me and I remember crying uncontrollably and telling my poor teacher i was going to die. I eventually calmed down slightly but i still felt absolutely terrible and was sent home for the day but as soon as i got through the front door, i was fine. This began to happen every time i had an assembly and each time the same thing would happen and i would get sent home. In the end, the teacher had completely lost interest in anything i had to say and probably thought i was putting it on. The thing was, i was a child who genuinely loved school - i enjoyed going and it upset me to have to go home every week, only to feel fine once i was back home. It was very odd. I even ended up in A&E and nobody could find anything wrong with me. It was all very frustrating and in the end, i decided to keep it a secret because of the way people were towards me… even my parents had started to think I was just being a dramatic so and so, and it was from then that I kept it all in and hid it away. It would be years until i confided in another soul again! You can imagine how difficult this was for a child of 8 years old to keep something like this to themselves - of course, at this age, I had no idea what they were and just assumed everybody else felt like this and I was just completely rubbish at dealing with it.

Funnily enough, this hatred of assembly's/silent places full of people stayed with me - when you have a panic attack in a certain situation or place, this memory gets 'stored' somewhere in a little filing cabinet in your brain - and the next time you are placed in the same situation, in the same place or within the same or similar surroundings, the feelings of panic often return because your brain has saved that little memory as being a 'dangerous situation'.  The panic attacks followed me all the way through school and into my teenage years. My GCSE's were a nightmare and i have no idea how on earth i managed to pass any of them at all - I still feel quite proud of myself now when I think back to the amount of stress I went through during this time and yet still managed to pass with pretty good results. Our exams were sat in our school hall, (crowded silent place = my dreaded situation) and i was always placed somewhere in the middle of all of the tables and chairs, a long way away from any of the doors or 'escape routes'. I used to line up outside and feel so unbelievably sick - up until the point where i contemplated skipping my exams. I used to take one look at the mass of tables and chairs and think about how many people would be crammed into that room with me and I'd lose sleep going over potential 'panic' situations in my head. I felt so jealous of my friends; i longed to be 'normal' like them and just feel normal nerves like a normal person and not have to worry about having a panic attack. I used to wonder why they were so calm and collected before an exam compared to me - they would stand around chatting away, and i'd be sat there chewing my nails and shaking like a leaf and generally feeling as if something awful was about to happen - I didn't sleep properly for weeks. I remember sitting in one of my exams and shaking so much that the examiner had to come and ask me if I was ok. I wasn't. I felt like i was going to throw up all over my exam paper and the question in front of me was a jumble of words and sentences i couldn't possibly understand until the feeling had gone away. It used to take me a good 20 minutes before i could even begin my exam properly. I would bite my nails in an attempt to calm my nerves, and sometimes i'd bite them so much that they would bleed and it hurt so much to put pen to paper. But it was anything to take my mind off the panic. Sometimes my hands would completely freeze and I wasn't able to move them at all. The worst attacks take complete control of your body due to the imbalance of oxygen.  Once, I remember calling my dad for help and having to use my elbow to try and press the numbers on the phone because it was the only part of me I could physically move at all.

In general, typical 'nervous' situations for 'normal' people are made 10 times worse for me; job interviews, my driving test (was an absolute nightmare), exams, graduation ceremonies… I don't think i really know what 'just being nervous' feels like. I wish so much that i didn't have to think about having a panic attack in these situations.

How I Cope Now
I will most probably always suffer with panic attacks. I still get feelings of dread when i have to sit in quiet places full of people or if i'm on a crowded bus. I will still sit on it sometimes at rush hour, and feel the need to get off. Whereas before i probably would have done, i force myself to stay on it now. The more you put yourself in your dreaded situations the easier it will become (easier said than done is an understatement here though…) 

I don't have them regularly now - sometimes I go through months where i will have none at all. Sometimes i will go through a stressful period of my life and i'll have more than usual, but i try not to let it stop me from doing things i want to do.  Now, they are just a little annoyance that crops up from time to time.  When they do, I force myself to try not to think about it and try my very best to get on with things.  I've accepted that I have them now and I just try and do the best that I can…I can’t do any more than that. You just have to try and live life as if you didn't have them and try and roll with the punches as much as you can. Sometimes, they do get the better of me and there have been a handful of times where I’ve had to ‘back out’ of situations because I simply couldn’t face going through with them - it’s important not to beat yourself up when you have a wobble like this… Luckily, I do think as you get older and gain more confidence in discussing your concerns with people, they do tend to subside slightly. 

You dont have to let panic attacks ruin your life, and although they have hindered certain areas of mine, i think in a way they have also helped me to be a stronger, more confident person (every cloud…) With mine, they got worse before they got better (i'll discuss this in a minute) and this isn't necessarily a bad thing - the 'bad stage' i had with my panic attacks actually helped me to learn so much about how to deal with them positively and I control with them very well now. If i feel a bit panicky now I just go with it and let it happen - sometimes i even try and make a joke out of it.  If I'm with certain friends or family that are aware of my panic attacks, I'll just say tell them i’m having one of my wobbles and they will know to give me a few minutes or so.


Things I've Learnt

Tell somebody - I was 17/18 before i did anything about my panic attacks (when I remind you that the earliest one I ever remember was at the age of 8 - that's an incredibly long time!) They began to take over my life and i went through a particularly bad stage in my mid-teens - this is when i decided to face the music and do something about it. I sadly skipped the majority of my A Levels because of them (yet again, exams! arghh!) despite a whole year of hard work, and that's when i realised something needed to be done. I didn't want them to get to the stage where they were effecting my future. It even got to where i would almost dread going out in case i would have one and I was awake all through the night having one after the other - I was completely and utterly exhausted. My only advice if you feel as if this is whats happening to you is to just go and see your doctor - or atleast tell somebody. My parents had no idea what i was going through because i'd kept it a secret since i was a child - and the relief i felt just telling them was a huge step in the right direction. You aren't alone in this no matter what you think and theres always someone willing to talk to you about things. 

You are also in no way, shape of form 'going crazy' - you are just like everyone else, it's just that your nervous system is a little more sensitive than other people’s. Unfortunately - I am one of those people. Nobody in my family gets them, and neither do my friends. So I'm pretty much alone when it comes to people close to me understanding what I sometimes have to go through - which is actually one of the hardest things about suffering with them.  People think you can just 'snap out of it' or 'calm down' - if it was that simple, then I'd be free of them forever by now! 

I won't go into this too much as i feel it would be a topic for another post, but I actually had CBT for my panic attacks - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. They helped me to understand what happened to my body when a panic attack struck and how to counteract the symptoms and my thought processes as best i could. They didn't cure the panic attacks - I'm not entirely sure anything ever will - but the things i learnt during the course of my sessions definitely helped me and I managed to get my life back on track with a lot of hard work and determination.

Accept them -
The more you dwell on them and the more you try to fight them, the worse they will be. I know if i'm going on holiday, for example, i WILL feel a little dodgy on the plane - there is no getting out of it - just let the anxiety do it's thing. Remind yourself you've had these feelings before, and that in a short while you will begin to feel better. I have just accepted now that i'll never be great when someone asks me to go on a long journey with them, or if i have to sit through a talk or go to a meeting in a crowded room - i'm going to feel like crap for a good half an hour or so. Take some water, tell someone you aren't feeling particularly well and you'll find it becomes much easier once you have voiced your concerns.

Ignore the Ignorant Sods -
Some people you tell, infact most people you tell won't understand. It's one of those things that you need to go through in order to 'get it’. Some people look at me like i'm absoloutely bonkers when I tell them about my ‘little secret’. Of course, this makes me feel a little embarrassed but you learn to accept that some people just haven't got a clue and their reaction is probably due to the fact they aren't sure what to say or aren’t informed enough to properly understand what the condition is.  People simply do not get that this is completely real - just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean its not there - it’s a genuine condition and people who have to battle with it need a little bit of TLC at times. I've even had people sit with me in the middle of having a panic attack who have turned to me and said 'stop it now, you're making it so much worse acting like this' ... In situations like this, i'd just rather be on my own. You shouldn't have to feel ashamed of being a sufferer of anxiety and the person getting frustrated telling you to 'snap out of it’ is one of the lucky one's never to have suffered with a panic attack.  Good on them. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean somebody feels fine - they don't need their arm in a sling and a bandage round their noggin to be feeling a bit 'iffy' on a certain day.

See the Positives
Yes, they do get you down and yes they aren't exactly something to be jolly about, but having panic attacks has made me who I am today and I believe in myself a lot more because of it.  I sometimes feel proud of myself for doing the most normal things people don't bat an eyelid over - for example, travelling somewhere far from home completely on my own or managing to get through a usual 'panic' situation without panicking - the feeling of accomplishment is a fabulous thing to feel - it's sometimes nice to give yourself a big pat on the back and it's great to see your confidence with certain situations grow. 

I've found that I'm quite ambitious and I can honestly say that some of my attitude is down to the fact I've always had to try and maintain a strong, positive mind set. It's almost like I want to prove the anxiety wrong in some way - to prove to myself and other sufferers that you don’t have to give up on your dreams because of the hurdles you might face. I feel positive that i’ll achieve what I want to achieve in life, even if it does mean I have to go about it in a slightly different way or it takes me a little longer to get there.  Of course, I wish I didn't have to deal with them and it would be a damn sight easier if i didn’t, but they have taught me a great deal about myself - about how strong I really can be.

Finally…
There is unfortunately such a stigma attached to mental health and it really really gets my goat, let me tell you! I seriously hope this continues to change. If there was as many people talking about this back when i was at school doing my exams and if I knew i wasn't so alone i believe things wouldn't have been so difficult for me to deal with. My 22 year old self is a little more open and honest about things now - I think I just grew some balls (haha) and decided to be completely honest with people - I try not to care what people think.

Panic attacks are actually a pretty common thing. Its important to remember that they do not define who you are and with a little knowledge and practice, you really can kick them to the kurb!


Please feel free to drop me an email or leave a comment telling me about your experiences with this if you're a fellow sufferer.. This is such a personal post for me to publish but i hope that it has been of some interest/help to atleast one of you lovely bunch!




45 comments:

  1. wow, i'm speechless in response to this post honey, but thank you so much for feeling the courage to speak out.
    i too suffer massively from panic attacks and anxiety and i relate to so much of what you have written, however it's more of a recent thing for me in the last couple of years or so.
    the world would be a better place if we all were a bit more open about how we really feel, etc.
    hopefully ill get to a stage one day where i can manage them and not let them rule my life.
    thank you again for this post xxxxxxxx

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    1. Aww thankyou for reading :) Its nice to know that some of my lovely followers also feel the same as me and its actually not something to feel ashamed of or worried about :) Hopefully one day i will be like that too - i have bad months but im mostly ok now..its such a horrible thing to go through xxxx

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  2. This is so so weird, but just today I have been talking to one of my friends about stress and depression. This website is quite good, and it's the one Frankie (The Sats) did a campaign for : http://www.mind.org.uk

    When you don't know much about it, or what is happening to you, it's so terrifying. But some people can be quite insensitive about it like you're mad or dramatic. It really annoys me as well! The worst thing is when you're feeling really down on a certain day and someone says to you "oh cheer up!" or "stop being so miserable!" -Both of which have been said to me this week! It's so disheartening to hear, you feel like it hinders you getting better or feeling happier. No one can really know what is going on in someones mind at any time, yet they can be so quick to dismiss it as being rude or snappy. But sometimes it can be so much more than that, and it's hard to accept you're depressed sometimes, without having to deal with peoples flippant comments and observations on how you're being. I could honestly talk about this all day! I completely understand where you're coming from and I am glad you have posted this - it will help a lot of people. Brave lady :)
    Thank you xx

    Laura

    prettyprettypenny.blogspot.com

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    1. thankyou :)
      Ohh yess its awful that people think you can just cheer up and 'get over it' - its not that simple :( It annoys me that people think its a 'fake illness'.. i could go on all day about how much it gets to me..
      Im glad you liked my post..and its good to know it isnt just me :) xx

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  3. I'm really glad you posted this!

    I don't know if I was actually having a panic attack but I'd drifted off in the bath earlier tonight and was woken up suddenly by my neighbour's dogs and my phone ringing. I didn't know where I was and jumped out the bath then all of a sudden my chest got really tight and I couldn't breathe, I was shaking, sweating, became really dizzy as if I were about to faint and felt incredibly sick. It was something I've never experienced before and I really don't want to experience it again!

    It's nice to see that you haven't let them ruin your life and have learnt to control them in a way :) xx

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    1. Ohhh its awful if youre not sure what it is.. i start to feel really really sick and it comes on all of a sudden - its nerve-wracking combined with the panic feeling! xx

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  4. Very proud of you Dearest :) xxxxx

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  5. I suffer myself, this is a lovely post. I agree 100% on the stigma attached to mental health xx.

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    1. Thankyou :)
      Glad you liked my post
      I think more needs to be done to change it xx

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  6. Thank you so much for writing this. You are stronger than you think!

    I myself suffer from panic attacks, although they're not as crippling as yours because I avoid situations that cause them, which I know is not what you're supposed to do. I have pretty bad social anxiety, especially after I fainted in public and it's incredibly difficult for me to go places, especially without a parent. I hope I can one day get to where you are and accept them and be positive about it, but for now, I mainly just sit in my house. It's hard, and I wish the most that people who didn't suffer from constant anxiety wouldn't make fun of me for it.

    I love your post, and thank you xoxo

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    1. Im glad you liked my post :) Its incredible how many people suffer with this on their own and it isnt fair.. I know what you mean about not wanting to go out - i went through a stage for about half a year where i found it hard to even step out of my house and it was the most awful thing ive ever experienced. You might not think it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel and as long as you keep trying you will get there :) xx

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  7. Thank you so much for writting this lovely, last year I had suffered from panic attacks and it was a big struggle to deal with them and it still is sometimes. I'm glad more people feel the same way as me xxxx

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    1. Theyre a horrible thing to deal with .. i wish i didn't ever have to think about them ever again :( xx

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  8. i found my self nodding to this post because i know exactly how you feel! I suffered from this a few years ago, and i went through all those symptoms, i could not avoid the situation in which i got the panic attacks, they always came around sunset (odd) and i don't know why but an extreme fear would come when night time was settling in. thank god, that i no longer suffer from that... I look up to you as someone strong now because i know what its like to have that. Your a strong one! thank you so much for sharing this post!

    xoxo,
    Jasmine

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    1. How strange! I find mine come on more easily at nightime - or when nighttime is setting in .. as soon as it gets dark. Especially if i am away from home. Its so strange. Thankyou for reading my post :) xx

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  9. Luckily I don't suffer from panic attacks myself, but I know a couple of people who do. This was extremely interesting and helpful. You should feel proud as punch to have gone ahead and posted this. Xx.

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    1. Aww thankyou for reading this even though you dont get them personally.. :) Im glad you found it interesting.. :) thankyouu xx

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  10. Hey!
    Firstly, Its so great that you have done this post. I also suffer badly with anxiety, and with panic attacks. Its something that is so scary, but I'm glad you find ways to cope. I have just finished a session of counselling sessions, and I also go to the gym and obsess myself with beauty to help me. I started feeling so alone, when I first started having the panic attacks. I know exactly how you feel, and they to tend to "grip you".

    Thank you for this post :)

    Love India
    www.thejewelbeauty.blogspot.com

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    1. Thankyou lovely :) Yess i did a year of counselling and it did help knowing that someone understood me and was there to help. xx

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  11. I also suffer from panic attacks, but not as much as you, i can even begin how horrible it must be to have them so often.
    I usually get them when i feel trapped or in a patentionaly dangerous situation and quite often i pass out with them, although i am still yet to meet someone that passes out with them?
    It's amazing how you've learnt to cope with them and in situations that panic you.

    xx

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    1. I often get them when i feel trapped too .. or if i cant get out of somewhere very easily..
      I know some people can feel very faint with them - i tend to just feel really sick and dizzy but it must be awful to have to worry about passing out! xx

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  12. Wow, what an amazing post. You are a strong, beautiful young woman, and I hope you all the best!

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  13. thank you so much for writing this post! i'm only 15 and on Christmas eve of this year i had my first panic attack and my mum had to call an ambulance because we didn't no what was wrong with me. I've started to get used to them now and they are becoming less frequent but i still get the odd sharp pains in my head and a bit shaky. It's good to know other people that are going through the same thing and don't just think your making things up because you want to get out of stuff! i hope your okay and i really appreciate you writing this post :) xxxx

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    1. It annoys me so much when people think youre doing it to get out of doing stuff! Just because you arent physically ill doesnt mean you dont feel it. Thankyou so much for reading and its nice to know there are other people out there.. It must be awful to have one and not know youve had one .. but hopefully now that you know you can deal with them more easily :) xx

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  14. I've sent you some twitter DMs as this subject is so personal to me too <3 xxx

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  15. Thank you so much for this. I've just started getting these in the last few years or so and its made my life hell. You're very brave!

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  16. I think this post is probably my favourite blog post i've ever read. I know this sounds horrible, but I love the fact other people get panic attacks too. It just reassures me that they're completely normal and I'm not dying. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack most days, just over silly little things but I've learnt to control them and haven't had one in about 8 months (fingers crossed!). You're so right, nobody understands them until they have one themselves and usually I just scream at the top of my voice when I get "the wave". xxxxxxxxxxx

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  17. thankyou for writing this post, im a panic sufferer also and i agree with everything you said, not alot of people talk about them so reading this helped and knowing that they get better helped also, so thankyou xx

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  18. Just having a little catch up on your blog and I'm so glad you posted this! I suffer with them too and its great to see people speaking out! Its crazy how many people actually seem to get them! I totally agree with the 'it feels like your dying' comment as I have had so many experiences where I've actually thought I was having a heart attack! I have found they are so much worse when I'm stressed so I try keeping a calm and collected mindset in the hope one won't spring up on me unexpectedly! I also agree that nobody properly understands unless they have experienced one themselves but hopefully posts like this will help raise awareness!! Xx.

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  19. I'm a new follower and just noticed this post. I've only ever had one panic attack after drinking a stupid amount of 80% absinthe. I had the chest pains, the shaking and uncontrollable crying, pretty much everything you mentioned. I ended up getting took home and was begging people to call an ambulance and just couldn't breathe. It wasn't until after a friend who also suffers from them told me what it was. I never judged but when people said they thought they were gonna die during them I never believed them till it happened to me. Amazing post xox

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  20. I'm so glad that you've done this post and that I can relate to it! I've never been to the doctors about it even though I think I should but I've self diagnosed myself with having anxiety/panic attacks. They say that panic attacks can occur after you've had a really hard time in a certain situation. Mine started last summer and it was honestly so dreadful. I was on the underground going home when I all of a sudden needed the toilet and we were 3 stops away from where we needed to get off but I didn't care I just needed to go to the loo! so we got off at our stop and I luckily found a bathroom and just burst into tears because I was so embarrassed that I'd made a big fuss about needing the loo in front of my twin sister and our friends but I got over it afterwards and I was fine. But last year summer I was out a lot and we'd always need to use the underground and just this one day I started to feel a sudden panic and like I needed the toilet again and I just didn't know what was happening and obviously I found a toilet but I didn't know what was wrong so I ended up going home after literally coming out and to keep it short weeks passed and the same thing kept happening but when I went to the toilet I didn't even need to go I just always felt really safe in there alone so I wouldn't panic. It's sad because there are people who make fun of me and just say I'm overreacting when I'm really not, you can't help that you have panic attack and I guess it makes me sad that people who are meant to be friends don't understand. This Thursday I'm off to a gig in Hyde Park and I'm not really excited because there's going to be 80,000 people and one of my lovely friends has said she'll stay at the back with me just in case I need the bathroom or anything but I always find myself panicking about events that aren't even for a good few months and I always just like to stay at home and just blog and stuff! but yeah I'm learning to live with it and it's always nice to find other people who share the same things with you so you can talk about it and feel better! :)and luckily I have a very supportive and understanding twin sister & family & some very supportive friends. Ps: sorry about this comment being so long. :P

    Vanese
    xx

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  21. so glad you wrote this post, it really hits home and my god you are a brave women so be proud of yourself because it is hard reveling yourself on the internet. I wish the best for you and I hope you continue to overcome panic attacks. Thanks for the advice I really am going to try and work on managing my panic attacks.
    take care
    <3

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  22. Awww that be hard to deal with but I guess you just have to make the best of it and see the positive part. I know because I have a similar thing except its anxiety, which can make the most simples things more harder to do.

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  23. Like you, I've had them since I was little, infact I don't remember a time in my life where I was free of panic attacks, it's a part of me now and I know a lot of people won't understand, including those that are closest to me such as friends and family but realizing that it's not going to change and that I'm a much stronger person now for putting myself in situations where 2 years ago I wouldn't have even dreamed of stepping foot in a cinema, or club

    I know how difficult it is, I'm glad you've posted this ! It's so much easier when you know you're not the only one <3

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  24. Beth I've just re-read this post a few times as I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. My anxiety/panick attacks have got so severe at the minute that I'm not sleeping :( they really are the scariest thing in the world and it annoys me so much too when people don't take it seriously! Mental health issues are often annoyed and it drives me crazy!

    I've actually taken the big scary step of booking a doctors appointment today -I had a panick attack at work and just thought this has to stop! I'm going on Monday so fingers crossed they can help in some way!

    I just wanted to let you know how much I loved this post and you don't realise how helpful it is to someone like me who feels totally trapped at the moment.

    Lots of Love honey,
    Kayleigh
    xxx.

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  25. I always admire bloggers when they talk about something so personal to them so openly, its so brave :)
    I've only ever experienced one panic attack in my life, i was 15/16 and i was hyperventilating and finding it really difficult to breathe and it literally felt like it was going on forever. Its a memory that haunts me and i hope i never experience that again so i can not begin to understand just how awful it must be to get them regularly.

    Im really proud that you try not to let it take over your life, i think thats really brave =]
    This is a great post Beth, really inspirational and im sure many people will benefit from reading this!
    Natalie xx
    youralmostalice.blogspot.com

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  26. I suffer from server anxiety, I haven't been able to leave the house for over a year! Until recently, I've started going out with family or my boyfriend, their my comfort blankets! I also blog about my anxiety, I am on a mission to raise awareness and make people feel more comfortable speaking about their mental health issues! I recently started volunteering for a local charity who provide councelling for mental health issues so I'm hoping I can really help someone who was in my position!

    Well done on being so brave, us anxiety sufferers need to raise awareness and help people!!

    Hope your doing ok with your anxiety!

    Jade xxxx

    makeupobessionandanxietyconfessions.blogspot.com

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  27. You have managed to sum it up in it's entirety, thank you xo
    http://lifebyemmy.blogspot.co.uk/

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  28. I have suffered from panic attacks almost all of my life and you summed it up so well. I had exactly the same thing with assemblies, and quiet crowded places, to the point where I haven't been to an assembly in almost three years, my sixth form just let me get on with it now, and I take my exams in a room on my own. I am having help for my anxiety now, but it feels so good to know that I'm not the only one, and you've explained it exactly how it is! This post has made me feel so much better, and I can relate to almost everything you've written :) It's so nice to come across someone who suffers too, as so many people are so cynical about it!
    thank you!
    luckfashion.blogspot.com xxx

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  29. I'm so glad that I stumbled across this post, I love your blog already but now it's nice to see we have more in common that just beauty lol. I have had really bad anxiety for a while now since my dad had a heart attack... It's more frustrating like you said that when I do try explain to someone what I'm going through they just don't get it! I also really don't like going on nights out now, my friends think i'm so boring probably but the thought of a busy bar full of drunk people does scare me now... Now I realise that it's beacause of my anxiety and not because i'm boring! Anyway thanks for making me feel better by talking about it yourself. It was really brave of you x x x

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  30. WOW, I can't believe how similar our 'stories' are http://xsarahspeaksx.wordpress.com/a-goal/. One reason I started my blog was to write about my anxiety and mental health which I kept a secret for so long and was so scared to do at first!I do kinda still worry about what people think about me because of the stigma behind it.
    The whole exam thing I understand completely! That's ones reason why I'm starting a college course in September which is all coursework. I don't think exams are a fair way to test anyway ha.
    I also can't believe what a coincidence I stumbled across your blog!
    Thanks so much for sharing and showing how mental health effects so many different people and that we're not crazy ;)xxx

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  31. Hi Beth, I meant to comment on this post when it first went live, and at the time was suffering from a milder version of this myself. Have you been to your GP about this, as I finally bit the bullet last week and was diagnosed with agoraphobia, which comes part and parcel with panic attacks, random anxiety when standing in lines etc, as there's a wide spectrum that all interlinks (been there, done that, got the tee as well!). I've just written a post on my experiences, and there's a couple of links I'd recommend having a look at - anxiety uk has some fantastic resources. My post is here: http://startanewstartafresh.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/agoraphobia-and-me.html, and here's the official link http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/about-anxiety/anxiety-disorders/agoraphobia/ :) x

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I always read all of my lovely comments. Make sure you check back as i often reply but if you do have a specific question and want a quicker response then please do email me over at birds.words@yahoo.co.uk or tweet me (@Beth_BirdsWords). Thank you for all your support! x